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WWL>Topics>>1-20-14 2:10pm Angela: on manners and respect

1-20-14 2:10pm Angela: on manners and respect

Jan 20, 2014|

Angela talks with Jill Rigby Garner, founder/CEO of Manners of the Heart, about the decline of respect in today's society.

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Automatically Generated Transcript (may not be 100% accurate)

Will there has rarely been a conversation where the subject of manners comes out when the comment is. What happened to manners and I'm not just talking about yes ma'am no ma'am please and thank you although those are very important. In my book an erosion of manners means an erosion of our society. Having good manners starts in the home and it should start young. So let's talk about manners and there importance with the woman who was on a mission. Jill -- Gardner founder and CEO. Of manners of the heart. I'm so appreciative of you coming back Jill was on our show for a completely different subject and I settlement weren't we've got to get this lady back. Not because this -- to hear. From people concerns. About what has happened in the last one maybe twenty years to connect when he yes yes and excellently so what has happened where did our manners and a well. Back on take up the rest of the the rest of the week if we we have we went into all the details of it that it's a thank you so -- teens have me back I just -- in the lobby -- Really high if we add that to the 1960s. That's really where we baking and we made this decision on the way that Maynor is not some import an anymore. That as little sayings as people like that referred demeanor. That they just -- -- import an anymore. And we stopped -- that much attention to the little niceties and the little courtesy. Life thinking and regulated and that pastor right that it had in the past. And along with that. A major change took place -- culture and that one is that we thinking and change gene from a corporate and that. You're an individualistic. Thing. Which really took place in the sixties -- that all things that some of us remember I'm okay you're okay. Although slogans -- remember you know whatever it feels good do it. In that it was all things the game and become more about what I want. When I'm gonna do time laugh -- now. What mine and indeed to help the world when and I Kennedy to make a difference when am I gonna grow up in the com says that I can do something wonderful to make a difference in the world. Ain't thinking and become more and more and norm -- -- Leonard. Part of the reason for that and of course he militia commanders quickly. If you become on it yourself selflessness is absolutely the rate of losing me winners. And then with that same time -- into the sixties we were really title at that and we needed this horrible little word. -- -- -- Now -- your listeners aren't gonna like when I'm getting to sag off saying it is kind of way as I possibly can't. Quickly as much grace as I can master. But. Itself sustain this really absolutely the worst velocity ever given to -- and an operative that. If he asked in England today is is he mentioned in that and I mean you are things better today -- -- city. Is today society less selfish are more office is there more disrespect. Are less respect I mean I have never found anyone in the last fifteen years since I've been immersed in it is -- That we're much -- you know less selfish were less respect I mean more respectful. Everything has gotten worse every every facet of life has gotten -- And -- no one disagrees that it's something has gone wrong. And and it really -- sanctity of the whole idea of self esteem if he -- that definition self esteem. That tree -- definition is the steam means now and as I mentioned -- the way it's currently six early seventies late sixties. That's and we were totaled that we needed to focus on -- leaner self esteem. Lucky they Specter and you really down when he married at some line here is fully esteem Lehman fell. -- You would like to think I might fifteen you do and respect -- -- -- that is the difference. I you really don't work in an office full of people are asking me himself. I. He won our office of people esteem others. And have respect for and has and that self respect to airlines choices and decisions in the steamy now. He only yet more selfish more self centered more lots within yourself. That we've really -- this panel discussion. Meters and we think that to me it's really the race. This whole idea of building self -- and I'm taking people how to clean and and we need to keep it the other team needs and others. That is a beautiful explanation I hope with anybody is out there listening and I'd like to comment on that don't hesitate to call us at 2601870. But I think. Most people think of if they see a young kid or something now that they lack self esteem -- -- confidence and enlightenment. But what you're saying is they have to respect themselves yes vs building up self. Yes absolutely on -- behind knifed her doctor right on my sister is a leading researcher out of steam effort in town. Many years again in the late late sixties early seventies he was one of the as he jumped on the self esteem and an infinite. And this is it you know maybe -- sixties went crazy. Because the kids and feel good about themselves they were thirteen confined themselves and that's the problem -- as things percent rigid in the fifties and they needed to break out of all of that and it makes an eighteen and we were too corporate and we need to be more individualistic he jumped on it. Well meaning -- of -- mouth several years again and t.'s announcement I think 32004. He was involved in this major researchers steady with several other researchers from around the country. On chronic offenders of young people. He had gotten in trouble with something some minor fans at thirteen. And rapid and you know learning a lesson and changing their way -- aged 20/20 one had perhaps seats. And says they went and today's steep steady with the hypothesis that they had low self esteem which is when everyone with -- and at that time and found guilty. We're now at the end of this very -- -- five years steady. They actually fail on the converse to -- Grab it and it be an countless self esteem it's actually -- sympathy. It was plan any. Thinking too highly of and -- And in fact that's what was even fuel scene there -- that and that's chronic problem. They can with it really this is -- and a little harsh that it really Kane County. You have something that I outline of the anyway I can get a bang bang it's. And that started that whole that whole mentality and it was actually thinking tip it was to yourself at match itself sustain. And that start that totally changed his viewpoint -- -- issues without me. So he did he did -- come Lee an AD and started looking deeper and T calculated week when we met here. I mean if you Google self esteem and millions of references to it. I mean every one of them it's now fifteen and and as we have done that two years let me give you. A real a good visual image of this. Children. And back in the sixties or just before the sixties perhaps -- children born. We permit a -- on their hands and that's why we cram and prince or princess. And I that's that kept the authority on Warner I. We now fast -- This whole idea of self esteem and I'll appearance although unintended ITT's they are not funds for born an ADT they were -- and build their self esteem well. In buying into that we and we found little darlings. And I came in your labs that we -- is -- clean. Instead of prince or princess man you've got a problem because the party in order. And I don't believe in -- in there and we think now honey now take a lot. Come on now he can I'm gonna make sure that you have -- yourself. -- -- sadly it near an audience now you know -- -- -- -- pitcher and -- sites as if you have an era in front your wife get that image. This only one person you can see I. And even worse and that you only see yourself in and you can't see others through -- And I mean can't can and see others working. And think about that we wonder why this explosion. You know an essential media you know when renowned as a teenage girl you know when my greatest fears with someone -- going to lean and hungry you know which was -- In the bottom of the box in the back of the corner hit with tell -- -- and today of course -- social media is the diary I. Ice is just at all it's now hanging out there is the con is they key Nancy others within an inch screen mean there isn't some money senior look at me look at me. In the -- I think about in the near kids can't see others that said -- can -- the needs of others. They can't see how -- -- actions reflect upon others because -- -- reflect back now other scenes and felt. And that's that's happened. Hokies in here along the way me of course we lost -- the kinds. We have a whole generation we actually now -- -- generations now that generation -- -- -- -- He had been grannies in in the -- and we -- and parents now stain. I hope everyone will stay with this this is a fascinating. And needed discussion Jill rig being garner our guest. And if you have any thoughts on any of this don't hesitate to call -- 260187. I'm Angela on deputy well. Well we -- having we -- having real important discussion with Jill Rigby Gardiner about manners where in the world. And -- gone and I think your explanation. About the self esteem just meant my enemy year. So from the -- What is the answer. Wonderful -- tightly people hanging her okay well she's identified the problem so let me get this relation. Rather and I think I think of this rather than that child that she put the car Keon and -- that the -- in front man. We had again -- take the Mira out of their hands I would -- -- smash it enemy pieces. And then taken to the wind dead -- get that imagery in your mind for a minute we need look when Dan do you do you see your own reflection. I think we would agree but it -- dim reflection right. When you at a window as you're seeing your reflection. Against the backdrop of the world. The wind has children her race at the wind as schools to educate feeling that companies to live at the wind at. For all of that at the wind you see like it again and that happened the world of the world at the wind and a south for spam act. You see the needs of others. At the window after that life but come on now how am -- going to -- the world. How much going to find my place in the world kids at the -- Alec after went dead and is twenty and writer said Monday in the -- Misty I can see where I'm gonna gonna fall they found that fit your right in the -- that I got it at the window act and where of the island. And you can't at the wind as kids can now feed the needs of others. They can lock in on their purpose in life rather than and the new -- on an overseas and now think country. To what we've been held by -- books and other authors. That -- look at the -- defying answers if you think that the -- that they're in their and we answers to be an engineer on you seizures -- or. Where you land but not -- can be. You know answers at the -- I mean I just heard this enormous crash bears took a and I really mean that I hunt -- what you're saying makes tremendous sense. We do have some collars and I'm so delighted that you Marco let's start with Norman and Gary -- Norman. Yeah. In particular call are -- governor lost the ball that he came out with published gurus. Yes ma'am no ma'am yes -- he tried to do it in the current squad altogether. -- biggest problem in this country you have kids having kids go out. Teach anything in the opener -- home. -- -- -- -- -- -- well again as I mentioned earlier Norman the the parents today. Were raised in on this themselves and they they are not inherited properly. And they don't know how to parent and now here they are having children I mean I couldn't agree with you more I think we all would agree. That -- parents Steele should be the first responders. And it is it's heartbreaking that in today's world. -- they were not hearing today and now and don't know how to begin to hear on. We you're killing -- any meaning any circles many how schools you know -- in Louisiana and in our country and we -- concede. Exact situation that you're speaking now of kids having kids. On the problems are Sonoma town layered and -- -- get back to. The teaching of meaner and get away from some much of the self esteem and certainly you know how well different. Well -- -- -- our our -- law back in 1992 remote and lawless got pregnant she etiquette what you twelve. Would you turn one push you -- grandma. You know we have we have a system it's -- that when you wanna cut back -- entitlement figured these people look at that their freedom like you have any kids. You get all the money in my career illegitimate child or the -- and -- it just gets me out country. As you go on to so much localism and bug. The government got -- and the furthest thing from the truth. And in this country you know a lot to -- richest successful that's what gets me. You know Norman isn't all the good shows striking her we're gonna kind of re folk -- -- -- but I think something that's important you brought up about governor Foster wanting. To institute the yes ma'am no man schools. In fact Jill is in a number of schools and one of -- -- but if you would tell us a little bit about what you do in the schools yes. Our scope programme -- manners of the heart. At elementary level from pre K to fifth grade. And now it's really on character education trainee. While we really Davis to help raise those children with all the principles we've been talking about today the whole idea of others centered yes. We started the very youngest ages I'm helping children recognize that the greatest satisfaction in life com's and -- like this Norman. The greatest satisfaction in life comes from finding your purpose says that he can help others find their purpose. One of the pieces -- Francis that we teach on teachers and working with kids says you know and it stating gets that answer. -- and has the answer then there reward is to turn Iran and help a child he's struggling to -- get -- answer. On -- down allowed them to see it in bask in their glory week and we don't give them a tangible thing to hold. In -- if -- grain and in fact we're very much opposed to incentive programs in the schools. In helping kids to succeed we -- recognition programs statements are much much greater success. We helped -- TU. -- signed their purpose is a sad and to work hard. Says that they can in turn help others. Thank you Norman for calling let's go to -- in New Orleans. -- But Robby is not clear but I hope she calls -- he calls back. How to get back on track. Well on as as I mentioned I'm just nail we can get back on track. And I and I -- mean and -- in two. Curriculum. Meanders back into the school it's really -- people back the origin of meanders. It was high from all the way back from the 16100 all the way there is in 1960. The and as -- as all the discussion we've mentioned already took place in the change took place in our culture. That's the point it waits on -- began to disappear. From the not only the school curriculum that everywhere else I was there. Actually at the legislature when governor foster's bill with argued in town. It was fascinating. To even act on it which is goes through a slam dunk it was interesting to hear. Arguments against the bail. What were the -- it was fascinating to me that I acutely dissent very nice down the excellently done until my kid might decide on the line. That boring approving of the -- They didn't want some -- -- -- -- -- to have to stay ended and he also asked were at at the beginning of the -- the F status to stay the end of an Nadal in the class reigned. Which I thought was a wonderful things. I do and if come a point kidneys to be made here. On the hall idea of saying yes -- and answer yes -- -- All of the teaching of -- the teaching children to respect their elders. All advance is to is to help a child to grow up with an attitude of respect. I definition for me Anders that we used in everything we teach. Is that Maynard is an attitude of the heart -- -- getting not self serving. It's really not the rules there are rules -- attic yet. That fall under that umbrella demeanor is that -- is something much more in much greater much deeper than. And -- if you're going to talk about. Instilling in children's attitude behind their actions. That that's where you're really -- to -- -- -- that change that's really what I thought felt that the time governor foster's bill that now. It was trying to teach children in -- an additive respect. You know toward elders toward each other. And toward the adults you know within the schools and -- a lot of people didn't want someone telling their child to say yes. So we have a lot to talk about and -- everyone will stay with this please do but now let's go to John names in the newsroom. Jill rig big garner are very special guest today founder of manners of the heart we're talking about manners but. Not just the specifics of management talking about. Really what were both agreeing is the erosion of respect. -- we've had in this country and perhaps beyond. We can't solve everybody but we can look at ourselves. And say let's re address this and trying to get back on track. To -- there's nothing I'll never forget this. Well we had the talk that TV talk show. And years ago we had. Archie Manning and one of our producers went to his home to pick up some information. And she came back into so I can't believe this financial all three boys now -- -- talking about it and he like Cooper. Walked in she walked into the -- all of them stood up. They weren't high school one was in college. All of them stood up. But now that may seem a minor thing it says volumes to me and and look at these young men today. And silently I must fancy it's an Angel on that that may seem like a minor. Minor pain. Have we mentioned early on about. When we decided to link on all those little things as so often people referred to me winners you mean those little things. Isn't it -- -- I know you would agree -- it trade that. It's that little things that truly are the big things all. You know if we -- relevant -- little fame salient that with the masks which is where we find yourself. Says flipped that only on the on the opposite side -- -- in steel. Little things and had -- expectations. And our children of lots of little things. Look in his suite that I mean look at this -- at the man make the com. And look at that respect. I watched that game don't have allies -- gang yesterday. And this this is this is gonna sound probably like a little thing to me that's enormous. I. I I have a real hang up and down -- dean and quietly -- meaning he can't sing the National Anthem. I know with the rough on the -- we all that the earth we came -- the where it's at least we can do is to Spain and see -- conversation and -- he -- heart. I mean this is still the United States of America and that is part of our heritage and it's what we. Being in a part of America. And always lines Ollie flies for Tim clean the football things -- always watch the football players -- the contestants because they always pan across the hall the united. I always liked him and I mean active I it was -- seen in the air with his painfully average car. Kelly Marist and you know and that moment and we now as we can't even imagine -- this country's ninth. That. I do and isn't that it offset an attitude of respect it is an attitude of insanity to respect I think. We could nobody talked for months on specifics one of the things that is very disturbing to me whether on them drugstore British or walking down the street. When I hear the child. Smart mouth their parents went out and help -- mean literally. If I had a tooth left in my head if I -- percent. It's astounds -- that we just let that. Roll -- yes we have yes we have and you know I hate I hate to keep harping and that if we just keep coming all the way back to where did at all you know -- at all picky and rendered it all began. And we see that more and more today but clients. As I mentioned the generation of parents to gang weren't. Fully -- themselves that they need to be and they are just clueless as to how to go about parenting their child. And it says Antony Buckeyes even steal some any experts in quotations perhaps. Are telling you know moms particularly that she need to smother your children -- ten. You do all he's saying and yeah that you're not supposed to say you're supposed to be there and the -- going to be there for everything but. Don't tell them -- too much because it will damage there. Her job of staying. United he need to be different and loan they can find France in the world no one can replace you as their parents. That messages today T young appearance are set of competing it just breaks my heart now have. I have grandchildren and on yeah we're in the in the middle of watching our kids now raise their kids and I mean I'm living with that watching some who are doing it when Allen from him learn not doing well yet heartbreaking. Let this go to Judy in New Orleans shooting. Hello Judy yes she had a comment -- question. Yes ILE track count my children and things they do affects somebody in front of them. Them and -- Definitely when you don't think about which you don't what what it affecting other people. This -- I believe. Which whatever happened is we each hit it flee it like or achieve -- program and problem when you first start school. I respect like when your -- to say that type of respect you are rare. Children in school aren't. System. And -- -- sure when we have a lot more respect. And also of the television. That not help getting all these programs children talked about it parents and appropriate future. But I just absolutely a long have what you're doing and I hope every parent he watches the way you parent will mimic like you're dealing. One of the things that we teach is to set again Ontario one of the things that we teach. Two year old TE RL can began team had duties and responsibilities we did not comment to our -- We Colin duties and responsibilities that has each one that have a duty as a member of the faintly therefore we have responsibilities. And it -- And here's here's the difference which goes right along with plenty to say GD. The two year old it's time to teach the girls that at their she's in a certain place to pick up -- totally can have a shelf for this toys to go -- but. In all schools self esteem when -- said. Now honey pick appearance at your rent on investment in the net. What we teach parents to teach their children as honey let's cut -- she's written in their life says that no one comes from an entry from them. It's exactly what what you're saying it's an. Right that we're teaching man this there is standard practice we want to teach stand every -- that the and every action that they ten day affects as a green on -- this is that. You are right you're right on target and -- I never heard me Anderson the heart really compared to an ROTC train but I. At. Least in line. -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- At that time. All our children are -- It back -- should respect. For each screen. They're a -- adult should be Gary -- So -- what did you chill out. And all want our children are all adults. Do believe that they're all off though. Out a couple -- -- not only did -- get straight. And adults. Now all. They -- the fact that you are all fairly substantially you know that that. It car you have to be all do our. -- and they are go out there who are. A court much -- get. It. All of our art. And I had I want it all up and Al east and -- to. Stop out -- -- -- child we demonstrate -- now. You bring up a very good point you make a wonderful point art teacher in service training that we do when when a school becomes a means of -- hearts go becoming an anti teacher in service training. And we also a DU appearance workshops and it's it's a very inclusive program to the economy into the heart school. And allies now coincidence that parent and teacher program. That tied eleven it is teachers by example. Which I think he would love that. But as that's exactly what we teach that we cannot expect more of children. And we expect of ourselves we really cannot. Now at the high school level something that we really tried to you. Reinforce that high school kids I was speaking with the young man that worked on earlier. Before I came online and now we were talking that you know every every time that you're confronted with disrespect. You do have a choice to Manny if you give back disrespect he's accomplished nothing. But -- give that race that she had an opportunity to change that other person's perspective as well. Very very important statement thank you so much Lisa for calling we'll take another break we'll be right back talking manners I'm Angela under the W well. Our guest today is Jill Rigby garner she has manners of the heart and we're talking about. Sort of this transformation we have gone through in this country and we can turn back that clock a little bit through programs like manners of the heart. Until has also written a couple of books. One raising children in a disrespectful world and raising children in a self absorbed world. And I think you've gotten great thoughts on both of us. Very very nice that the first title of the -- respectful children disrespectful world that first title. And that came man underage dealing 2006. And it's Bennett and theory on popular book unfortunately I wish it could have been raising respectful children in a respectful world. That is -- disrespectful world. That that's been an -- popular book and it just came out again in the fall but as an answer TU on its longer studies. It's a wonderful book for. In school you stand parent groups and churches and I'll ever hey he's fit and fast -- studies and we -- Roberts said he acted as well. In the south of -- or -- really gets a lot of comments. You know what do you feel I know -- in sort of working in the heart of at all but that we can. Get the pendulum to swing a little. We can be become nicer people. I'm really do believe we can't if I have did I never comes that I -- down belly fat because now have to hang had a but. I do believe we can end you know we've we've talked so much about how bad things are. And they aren't there are glimmers of hope. You know often in society but the pendulum finally swinging far enough. You know it begins to come back where -- -- child is in the young children. That the young children have today and by young I mean elementary and middle school particularly and seen him more and more. On -- looking at all of us. -- and they're looking at the world talent OK something is not working you know everyone is either miserable or everyone's passing complaining about something in at. -- their recognizing. There's got to be something more around like to think in terms of something better. In our school program and -- manner without commentary he would. So often we're told -- Jill you know OK this is great you've got this in a school but if the parents aren't really buying into it. You know what does it can and do it -- just hearing this goal. But what we're fine need to be treated as fat. You know what we teach really is the truth I mean it's just. You know it's down -- the -- root of all the problems where I that we get underneath all the problems in the if she's and that resonates with the kids. But -- some much of what they hear in the world someone of our on listeners. Mentioned. You know the TV and you know everything that they -- out there I mean these children get it they get it. And win right here at B sample sample lessons and a happily simplicity is the most profound you know lesson of all. We may hear these simple truth it resonates with them and their little hearts and solve. And they they really are on they gravitate toward and then when they start putting into place doing things differently may be and they see others staying lean. And it begins to work for it and they want more and it's I'm I'm really gacy has been thing. Narration you know I remember pat Taylor who was the founder of the Tom's program very very well known oilman. We lost him unfortunately but. He was truly a self made command and he would come from very difficult background and essentially left home when he was sixteen it was on his own. And a real Horatio Alger story and but he told the story one time. That his mother had taught him. Manners from the get go. And those manners once he was on his own and afraid and really or what gate with a pathway. McCain knew. When riding the bus at the woman walked on to get for the seat he knew those things. And it looks back now and said this is what helped distinguish him in some ways. And I'll never forget that people have to understand the value of manners. Not just with little kids but in business. I have absolutely on Clarence Thomas one thing and that good manners open door is that the best education cannot. Ask them that Steve that's a magnanimous. Statement and how how true news how trade that it is. Well this isn't the first -- going to have this lady I'm Morgan -- back many many more times stay with this were not finished talking with Jill -- -- garner. Have loved this hour with Jill -- -- tell us again. Manners of the heart is a nonprofit where you go into the schools but it is really funded by something don't -- Yes city as we we are funded in many different ways and one that glaze is through the business of manners training. -- marketplace training for small businesses to a large mega corporations we -- everything in between. And what happens that I love so much about the business of Maynard is that we -- man and we helped you with if she's real time -- you're dealing with today. On a lack of timeliness in your employed -- The lack of respect courtesy all the things he talked about and the rules of etiquette we we we teach at all communication skills and all of that. But what I love so much about it is that we -- in and help you thought your problem today an insider dealing as thieves help us bring our curriculum in an elementary schools for tomorrow's work go to www. manners of the heart dot org.

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